Kabir Singh and toxic masculinity: Relationship experts say films and actors should ensure caution in portrayal

One step forward. Then Shahid Kapoor-starrer Kabir Singh released on June 21. Two steps back. While the Sandeep Reddy Vanga directorial has been raking in the moolah at the box office with close to Rs 250 crore in the past three weeks, critics and many film goers have pointed out how the film glorifies 'serious and sadistic' behaviour including misogyny, toxic masculinity, abusive relationships, bullying, anger issues and stalking. Healthy relationships involve respect, trust, and consideration for the other person but abusive relationships involve mistreatment, disrespect, intense jealousy, controlling behaviour, and violence - both emotional and physical, describes Delhi-based psychiatrist Dr Deepak Raheja. 'The slant of the relationship is more towards an 'I-IT' relationship rather than 'I-Thou' relationship. Essentially, it means that in an abusive relationship, the controlling partner tends to objectify his/her partner, deeming him/her as their personal property,' explains Dr Raheja stressing that in saying so, 'they act on their needs of entitlement and attention, wherein the focus is to operate and get what they want and how they want at any cost.' However, even as the film's plot inspired by the Telugu hit Arjun Reddy, starring Vijay Deverakonda and Shalini Pandey was controversial, the film's director Vanga's explosive interview where he mentioned '…if you can't slap, if you can't touch a woman wherever you want, if you can't kiss, can't use cuss words, I don't see emotion there', is more disturbing. Vanga has now claimed that his comments were taken out of context such that 'the content was edited in a very wrong way so that a section of women got another chance to attack me'. Simran Luthra, a counseling psychologist, and the founder of Talk Happy Therapy (an initiative for mental health awareness and well-being), points out, 'I cannot comment on the intention of the director for stating his words, but what is important is to differentiate violence and abuse from sensitive touch, love and care.' The film follows the life of Kabir Rajveer Singh — a surgeon, who despite being a brilliant student has severe anger management problems, is alcoholic and a college bully - and his love interest Preeti Sikka portrayed by actor Kiara Advani. Several people on Twitter decried the character as 'vile' and lambasted the film for 'glorifying' stalking. While many have lauded Kapoor's performance, others have questioned whether this kind of film should have been even thought of considering the 'overbearing nature' of his character and his tumultuous relationship with not just his love interest but the other characters of the film as well. Many also took to Twitter to share their own stories of abuse, harassment and stalking and pointed out how they weren't looking to go through these non-consensual acts of 'love'. Relationship experts point out how instances of abusive relationships are in general seeing an upward trend. 'I do see many cases of abusive relationships nowadays. Such relationships hamper a partner's ability to function, which I call a 'fragmented' approach to their reality. Such toxic relationships make the affected person, severely anxious or severely depressed. Many men have also experienced such trauma,' clinical psychologist Dr Seema Hingorrany, who is also a relationship expert, tells indianexpress.com . Such a rise in abusive relationships makes it extremely important for films and film actors to 'sensitively portray characters that glorify such acts'. Clinical psychologist Dr Kamna Chhibber, head, Mental Health Department of Mental Health and Behavioral Sciences, Fortis Healthcare says that 'media has a very strong influence in people's mind'. 'Even though films and web shows offer a break, an alternate escape for people from their everyday realities, the film's acts, stimulating dialogues or conversations can have an impact which can't be disregarded. Actors and filmmakers have to be mindful of what is being shown on the screen as they have a social responsibility (towards the audience),' points out Dr Chhibber. Agrees Luthra, 'In the cinemas, the loudest cheers are received at the time of the typically wild hero entry, the slaps, the hugs and most of what the youngsters aspire such as authority and favouritism in the name of heroism, recognition, love and care. In that sense, Kabir Singh becomes a role model. His stories are relatable or at least hit the 'emotional chords' of the viewers.' However, even if not everyone is 'directly influenced' by such behaviour, for those, who knowingly or unknowingly are abusive or in an abusive relationship, they tend to imbibe these acts and 'use them as a justification for their behaviour or of their partner's', mentions Dr Chhibber. While the first step in getting out of an abusive relationship is to realise that one has the right to be treated with respect and not be physically or emotionally harmed by another person, it's never as easy as 'just leaving'. 'They keep going back to the partner if he apologises or does something sweet on a temporary basis. Even when the relationship has ended, affected people find it hard to get into healthy relationships with others, leading to trust deficit. There may be cases where they might start mirroring the former partner's extreme behaviours even,' Dr Hingorrany says. 'In the film, Kabir Singh's rebellious behaviour has never been controlled and that is what takes a toll over him. This character is impulsive, explodes into rage through triggers and has a hard time regulating his emotions. Most of this is rooted in the personality which is least acknowledged by anyone,' Luthra tells indianexpress.com. Even twisting the truth to make you feel you are to blame for your partner's actions; demanding to know where you are at all times constantly and unwanted sexual advances are some of the 'deep-rooted insecurities' that even independent professionals who are earning and have made a name for themselves find themselves in, mentions Dr Hingorrany. Some tweeple have also pointed out how the female lead's meek attitude or the abla naari character isn't quite believable. There are also multiple dimensions that influence a person's decision to stay in an abusive relationship. And while seeking help to get out of these relationships is the most important thing, blaming someone in an abusive relationship is never okay. 'An intimate relationship shared by Kabir and Preeti is characterised by mutual trust, care, support and commitment. These spaces of emotional connection, physical and sexual touch may act to strengthen the relationship, however at any point that the impulse surfaces, violence shall not be justified as a component of an intimate space,' states Luthra. Experts also suggest how there is a big difference between judgment and responsibility. While someone might have used bad judgment by staying in an unhealthy or dangerous situation, it does not mean that they are responsible, or asking, for the abuse perpetrated against them. Confiding in friends, talking to a parent or even awareness of such abuse itself can be the initial step forward besides seeking medical help, shares Dr Hingorrany. While Luthra mentions that 'coping with distress is important', unhealthy practices such as alcohol, cigarettes and drugs, is another significant concern that the film raises, referring to the eponymous 'hero' who over the course of the film turns into an alcoholic and a drug addict. 'For a film which is getting so much attention, what is dissatisfying is that addiction and substance abuse have not been treated as well as the character's mostly positive reinforcement for his behaviour, only to create a 'happy ending'. No one ever knows how is the relationship after marriage, right?' she quips. DailyhuntDisclaimer: This story is auto-aggregated by a computer program and has not been created or edited by Dailyhunt. Publisher: The Indian Expresshttps://ask.fm/zeeenokootee

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