Parenting is a partnership, here's how to keep your sanity

Undoubtedly, your biggest challenge in all this is to shrug it all off and see your partner in a good light. Best thing to do? Leave out all the external factors and focus on your roles. Only you can do what you do. If it comes naturally to the mother to prioritise caring for the baby over going back to work, that's her choice and privilege. If you've decided to reverse the roles or both need to juggle work and home, that's okay too. You may or may not have made the decision to be parents after deliberation but now that the baby's here, you're both responsible towards it. The key thing is partnership. Unlike moms, new dads may not feel an instant bonding with the baby Megha Singh says, 'I think the biggest challenge after having kids is to find the inspiration to spend some meaningful time together. With time and the energy both on a low, it is the drive that is missing, not necessarily the intention to maintain a healthy relationship. I think you should carve out 15 minutes together over a cup of tea and talk about what's going on at office/home. This alone can keep you connected. Just keep the phone or newspaper away and make eye contact. We just stop doing that after kids! Remember, almost 70-80 per cent of our sensory inputs are visual. Also important is keeping your sense of humour alive. You need to be able to find something funny even in the most serious of situations. If you can still crack a joke about the in-laws and make your spouse laugh, you're doing great.' Swati and Aditya Jain, parents to a five-year-old and soon expecting another, share that they respect each other's time out with their individual friends too. He babysits and lets her have a night out with her girls once a month and she lets him go golfing with his buddies. Swati says, 'It's important for husbands to understand the postpartum phase, when hormones are creating havoc and mood swings are at an all-time high. Extending support at this time is crucial. It's when your relationship as parents grows.' No two sets of parents are alike so you have to find your own rhythm and what works for you. Having said that, there are some universals: Couple time changes to family time. How do you deal with that? It may seem like a lot of effort but ask for help from extended family and friends, or find a trusted babysitter. Even a monthly date is a good commitment. What you choose to do in that time should be purely fun, not chores. Dressing up and going out can be a much needed change of scene for the stay-at-home parent. If you can, take a mini vacation or staycation for a change of routine every six months. Don't try to read each other's mind. Discuss everything you ought to. Talk about finances, your sex life, division of labour, emotions and everything under the sun. Keep communication open. It's the only way you won't build resentment. Now that you're both pressed for time, understanding each other's needs and giving each other some space may be a good thing. Not too much, not too little, just enough to keep the balance. Nobody wants to be in mom-mode or dad-mode all the time. Maintaining your individuality is also important. You may be short on patience because everything feels daunting. Remember, you are partners in this and learn to appreciate what the other does. In fact, keep your expectations low and let them do it their way so they're not discouraged from taking on a responsibility. Also, don't hesitate to swallow your pride and apologise after a spat. Winning an argument won't necessarily bring you peace of mind. Don't stop being nice to each other. You'll have mood swings but shouldn't offload everything on your partner. Talk to friends in your close-knit circle or other parents who'll likely sympathise with your frustration. That way, you'll get an objective opinion instead of second-guessing yourself. Take long walks, start a journal, meditate. Different things work for different people. Do your best but remember, nobody's a perfect parent. You'll mess up sometimes and it's okay. Don't beat yourself over small things. If the baby's healthy and happy, you're both doing a great job! For parents like Shahid Kapoor struggling for 'breathing space', here are tips to cope DailyhuntDisclaimer: This story is auto-aggregated by a computer program and has not been created or edited by Dailyhunt. Publisher: The Indian Expresshttp://www.feedbooks.com/user/5591329/profile

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